New Animal Shelter To Offer Abortions

Planned Puppyhood®, a not-for-profit organization, announced yesterday it would open the first animal shelter in the United States to offer abortion services. Said Dr. Michael Hanger, CEO of the organization, “If we abort unwanted puppies, we can make strides towards eliminating animal abuse, going forward.”

Due to expected controversy over the puppy aboratorium, Dr. Hanger said its location initially will be secret. The new building will have state of the art security so dog owners

Puppies 640px-Hod.WislanyGaj-wl.JacekWierzbicki-foto1
CC BY 2.5, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=467727

and their dogs will feel safe in accessing the clinic’s services.

Abortions will be provided up to the date of birth. The clinic will also provide free contraceptives for dogs whose owners meet certain income guidelines.

Dr. Hanger also assured the public that puppies born during a botched abortion will be given whatever is necessary to keep them alive and help them thrive. They will then be adopted out.

The new clinic will open sometime next Spring in upstate New York.

–Satyrica

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